If you can dodge a ball, you can dodge childhood trauma.
“My middle school PE coach brought our whole class outside to play flag football. They handed out flags and assigned positions. I was an avid football fan who watched it every weekend with my dad but I had never played or even heard of flag football. I asked my coach what I was supposed to do. They laughed and said you just need to hike the ball. okay… so I bend over and hike the ball to this kid and then charge headfirst into another “lineman” and tackle him to the ground. Everyone stops and starts laughing at me because I didn’t know how to play flag football. My coach explains that I didn’t need to tackle anyone, just take their flag. Well, that seems like enough information. So second down (ish) I hike the ball, charge at the kid, and rip his flag off. Again laughter.”
“I’ll preface this with the fact that our gym teacher was THE most gorgeous man I had ever seen. Anyway, cut to midyear, the string in my PE shorts came out and my shorts were falling off my rear, so I head over to the gym teacher’s office (between the girl’s and boy’s locker rooms). I knock on his door and he’s there with our other male coach. I say to him, ‘I need a new jockstrap because mine broke’… I am a GIRL, in seventh grade… I THOUGHT jockstraps were drawstrings up until the moment both male teachers burst out with hysterical laughter.”
“One day my PE coach walked in holding like three boxes of girl scout cookies and so I asked, ‘Why are you eating girl scout cookies?’ He said, ‘Why are you not eating girl scout cookies?'”
“The first day of fifth grade gym, I stepped on a basketball and gave myself a black eye when my face bounced off the floor.”
“Picture this: seventh grade, dodgeball, my crush is in my class but on the opposing team. I race to the center to get a ball that was on my side but close to where my crush was standing. As I try to do a cool kick-back move to send the ball to a teammate behind me, my feet get tangled up and I fall flat on my butt. My crush then laughs and points directly at me before slamming me in the face with a dodgeball.
“In ninth grade, right after our coach had finished taking attendance, he told all of us to jog out to the track to get ready for our mile run. I took one step and BOOM…bird poop landed on my shoulder.
“Not really a funny story, but I’m just curious… Did anyone else do a choreographed routine to the Monster Mash every Halloween in the gym or was that just my weird elementary school?”
“We were playing dodgeball one day… Mind you, I was one of the only girls actually into it. So I threw the ball and it hit another kid directly in the face.
“I was pudgy and uncoordinated, and hated gym class. In eighth grade, we had a student teacher who was a University of Kentucky cheerleader. She was really pretty and popular and SUPER tiny. We were supposed to be doing split jumps over the pommel horse, and the teacher was a huge jerk who made everyone try everything, no matter what. On my turn, I knew I couldn’t do the splits, so I hit the springboard and just hurled myself at the horse. I ended up plowing into the tiny, adorable student teacher…like completely pancaked her.
“In middle school, like every teen, we had to run the timed mile a few times a year. The difference? We didn’t have a track. So 30+ seventh graders ran lap after lap around in the gym. Understandably, this took a superlong time. To pass the time, some of the boys in my grade made up a song that they would sing the ENTIRE TIME THEY WERE RUNNING:
“Stranded. Stranded on a toilet bowl. What do you do when you’re stranded and you can’t reach a roll? To prove you’re a man, you will wipe it with your hand and if you don’t…you’ll get a stain.”
They sang this over and over and over, even after they were done running the mile, and the teacher never said anything about it. During the pause between “if you don’t” and “you’ll get a stain”, everyone in class joined in by making cymbal-crashing sounds with their mouths.
“So in kindergarten, we were playing a Monsters, Inc. game where there were toy hoops and the hoops were the “doors.” And whenever Randall came, we would jump in the hoop. When it got to the Randall part, I was a bit skeptical and asked the teacher if it was real and if Randall was actually there and she said yes he was. Me being 5 years old, I believed her and when it got to the Randall spot, I couldn’t find a hoop and I got terrified and stuck my head up the teacher’s shirt.
“It was like the second grade and I had this friend who was a f*cking idiot and didn’t think about anyone’s safety including his own. We had THOSE scooters that day and, for some reason, the coach left the gym for like five minutes. In those five minutes, my friend somehow managed to run into the wall at full speed, snap his scooter in half, and get a mild concussion and a broken rib.
“I was in sixth grade and had just gotten braces. I was in PE, dribbling a basketball with my terrible hand-eye coordination, used a little too much force, and the next thing I know, the basketball is careening directly toward my face. It hit me hard right in the mouth and completely knocked off two brackets from my front top teeth.
“After changing in the locker rooms, we were waiting to start when the teacher comes running out of the boy’s locker room. We (the girls) didn’t know what was happening. Then he came running back with a wrench or some tool. Turns out one of the boys was locked inside a locker (the half-size). They got him out and he was fine (voluntary lock-in).”
“THOSE MOTHERF*CKING SCOOTERS. The square ones with the handles on each side SMH. I remember getting my hair caught in them and hands getting run over and sh*t.”
“When I was in ninth grade we were playing flag football. Our coach was playing with us and was wearing the athletic pants that button up the side. When a guy in my class went to grab his flag, he also grabbed the side of the coach’s pants and revealed him in his ‘tighty-whities.’
“I was in the locker room for the first time in sixth grade and I was TERRIFIED already, so it didn’t help when a girl shrieked with terror and started screaming at another girl. The teacher standing by the door ran over and it turns out someone had snuck their pet lizard into school by keeping it in their bra, and it got out when said girl was changing and landed on the girl who screamed.
“We were playing octopus tag in seventh grade, and at that point, I was one of the “seaweed” — where you’re tagged and seated at various spots throughout the gym to help tag active players.
I was talking to one of my friends so not really paying attention when I noticed someone about to run past me. I waved my arm and whacked one of my classmates below the belt.
He fell over onto the gym floor in pain, and the game was over.
“One time my shoes were in my friend’s locker and she wasn’t there. So my other friend let me borrow hers but my foot size was 9 and hers was 4, and we had to run that day.
“So in soccer class, the largest classmate, built like a defensive end and one of two guys in the class bigger than me, decided he wanted to play forward. If you don’t know soccer, bigger guys like him and myself always played defense (not forward) because we lacked the speed to score. Fast-forward, his first chance at the ball off a beautiful pass led him right in front of the net, but he kicked the ball 10 yards left of the goal. He then stumbled forward into the goal, grabbed the netting, and actually tore down the entire net. He fell to the ground like he had been booby-trapped.
What funny moment from this list made you laugh? Do you have a funny story of your own? Share in the comments.
Take a trip down memory lane that’ll make you feel nostalgia AF